


Off My Chest

by FuchsiaPaper



Series: James-Centric Shenanigans [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Genre: And Lily, And Minnie - Freeform, Blind Violet (Walking Dead: Done Running), Bonding, Campfire, F/M, He's at the school, James apologizes, James/Louis, Louis finds him hot okay, Louis has his tongue, M/M, SO, So is Tenn, Stargazing, after the events of season 4, cute shit, goddamn, mitch is dead, these fluffy bois
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:08:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25421404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuchsiaPaper/pseuds/FuchsiaPaper
Summary: After James kills the walkers in the caves, he decides to go apologize to Clementine and AJ, then be on his way.What he didn't expect was an offer to stay, and someone to give him a reason to.ORJames plays the getting-to-know-you card game with everyone (courtesy of Louis) and wowwowwow he is uncomfortable lol
Relationships: Aasim/Ruby (Walking Dead: Done Running), Charlie (Walking Dead: Broken Toys)/James (Walking Dead: Suffer the Children), James (Walking Dead: Suffer The Children)/Louis (Walking Dead: Done Running)
Series: James-Centric Shenanigans [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1841320
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	1. Inside

Usually, James would save his reflecting for the more silent, calm moments in his camp. Especially at night, in front of his crackling firepit, he’d often have no choice but to think when sleep refused to come.

Sometimes he’d speak outloud, but most of the times he was comfortable enough with silent brooding. A side effect from having to spend so long amongst a stealth group who wouldn’t kindly tolerate his more compassionate beliefs once it arose.

This time however, James’ mind was a storm, amongst an even larger storm of sounds and shrieks and gnashing teeth. And as much as he wanted to stop it, put it aside for later when he was actually safe, he couldn’t have even if he tried.

After Clementine, AJ, and Tenn had fled out of the cave, he stayed behind to make sure there’d be no stragglers to follow. And for what, really? To make up for him literally trying to steal away AJ from what was essentially his pseudo mother? As penance? Repentance?

Granted, fighting a horde of walkers in the dark wasn’t his best idea to date, but he was managing just fine.

Like he used to.

James grit his teeth as his left knife lodged itself snugly into the softened skull of… what was it, the fifteenth walker so far? His other knife was busy slitting out multiple level throats in a row, and he could only grimace at the sheer amount of rotting blood coating his body by now.

He _could_ stop now. He _could_ run off, hide for a bit, then emerge as one of the herd with his mask on. It’d probably be even more effective now that he was positively drenched in their blood and guts. But… he couldn’t.

His head was in a war. A war that could only calm once every single one of the walkers in this cave was down on the ground, at peace, and truly dead to this world for good. And so that’s what he did.

 _Huh. At peace._ That was a lingering thought worth getting into.  
Ever since he’d sworn off violence to humans and walkers alike, he figured he was doing right by the walkers in protecting them.. or rather, the previous persons of the bodies. In letting them roam and wander peacefully in their dead-alive mode at his barn or elsewhere, maybe he entertained the idea that their families would’ve appreciated it.  
  
But perhaps, the “right” thing to do, would’ve been to end them. Let their bodies lie, gone like their mind and soul, finally able to rest.

Either way, he knew now why he’d insisted for so long that some remnants of ourselves remained in walkers. Because the real reason he avoided killing them, was more inherently selfish than anything else. It wasn’t because he was doing them a favor, though he certainly tried to believe that. And he had.. for some time.

No, it was because he was sick and tired of hurting people. And, stay as long as James did around a group of people who constantly dressed as walkers.. well…

It was too close. Being a Whisperer certainly helped him to narrow the gap between humans and walkers. Especially since his former people used to even call walkers their "Guardians". Plus, James was fairly sure becoming numb to killing something that not only roughly resembled humans, but used to BE human, couldn’t do any good to one’s sanity. Or, in the very least, how one would treat live humans.  
  
Not to mention how much more evil humans could be, what with their sentience and all. The virus and walkers may have been what started the whole apocalypse, but what really caused so many of these newfound societies to become as twisted and horrid as the one he used to be a part of, was mostly due to the people themselves. There was no NEED to be so constantly hostile to other fellow, _living_ humans.  
He knew he was right that some people could be so much worse than walkers.

And yet, it still doesn’t change the fact that the dead are dead.

James came to, shaking out of his stupor once his ears filled with the evasive sound of silence.

They were all dead.

He checked himself over for bites, found none, then did his best to rub the grimy blood off his arms. Once he found it to be futile, he made his way out the cave, following the gust of wind that led Clementine out before.

James didn’t stop walking until he made it back to his still broken camp, started up another fire, and settled in for the rest of the night. Well, dawn technically, but whatever.

His eyes kept drifting over to the cut on his left palm, the one AJ made. Rather than anything bitter though, he held nothing but remorse for what he tried to do. At the time, it had seemed the most logical thing to do: take AJ away from the one instilling terrible values in him, to a place where he could be raised right. Maybe even have a normal childhood.

But he realized eventually, that taking anybody away from their loved ones is no way to go about helping them. Even if Clementine was truly turning him into a killing machine, AJ would never give up to go back to her. He simply loved her too much.

 _Bad people_ _can love too_ _. I of all peopl_ _e_ _should know._

James sighed, tending to his minor wound the best he could. He couldn’t really get much out of his ransacked camp though. He’d have to change it again. On the move, always. It was what he was accustomed to; being a nomad of sorts, following the herd at times, noting the year pass by through the seasons. But now?

He felt tired.

In all senses of the word, but most of all, mentally. It took him another hour or so of idle pondering, but he eventually accepted that he had been too fargone. He went from one wild end of the spectrum, of killing literally anything and anybody in his way, to the complete opposite, being an unrealistic, total pacifist.

Soon as the mist from his head cleared up, James knew what he had to do.

Apologize.

And not just a quick payback in the form of killing the walkers on Clem’s back. No, he had to give a real, proper, full fledged apology. As soon as he figured that was his next best course of action (after moving his camp to a new spot, of course) a layer of antsy dread made home in his gut. A dread that made him stall like never before- and he stalled the absolute _shit_ on deciding whether or not to leave the Whisperers.

It took a week of him scouting for and making his new camp, a little ways up a hill surrounded by thick forest, as well as constant rehearsing on what he should tell Clementine so that she may forgive him. By the end of that week, he begrudgingly made his way towards the school, savage butterflies eating away at his stomach the closer he got.

It’s not like he _needed_ her apology to continue living on or anything… but God was he still nervous as all hell.

When he finally reached the path to the entrance, he could hardly breathe. He decided to keep the mask on, even if Wally nearly shot him for it last time, because it made him feel safe. And not just in relation to the walkers. It was like what wearing sunglasses did for him in crowded spaces, back when everything was normal.

Moving closer to the gates, James noticed a “Don’t Fuck With Us!” sign, right next to a dead body slumped against a large tree. He decided it was one of the raiders since he was an adult, and the body only seemed several days old at most. He didn’t know what he should feel at the display, but ignored it in favor of reaching the front of the school.

As expected, he heard a cry of alarm from the lookout. To his surprise, it wasn’t Wally, but AJ. James gulped. Off to a great start then.

Thankfully, AJ didn’t shoot him, recognizing the mask and his wear enough.

“James?” AJ seemed more surprised than anything else, which was a small saving grace. Least he wasn’t angry. Then, to his utter shock, AJ’s voice turned more.. happy? “James! Clem, Clem come here quick! James is alive!”

Alive? Of course he was alive?

He heard a few voices and some commotion from the inside, until the gated door swung open. He spotted Clementine walk out from the growing crowd, and he steeled himself. But all of that got chucked out the window as soon as he saw her crutches, then her missing left leg.

“C-Clementine?” James was aghast. What could have happened to her in just a week? “Your leg..”

She glanced down, having the nerve to give him a sheepish smile. “It’s a long story.”

James forced himself to look away from the leg because, well, _rude._ “I’m sorry. Er, about the leg of course, but also-”

Clementine cut him off. “We can talk some more inside.. that is, if you feel like you’re up to it?” James looked at the crowd behind the gate over Clementine’s shoulder. The very sight made him even more queasy, but he really had no right to be demanding in his own comforts right now. Not with Clementine. If she wanted him to come inside for the chat, then he was going to come inside for the chat. And hopefully, the rest of them won’t clobber him once the whole story’s out.  
  
Wait, did Clementine already tell them everything that happened? Good grief, this better not be an ambush then. Handling a herd of walkers was one thing, but handling a crowd of kids-- _non-lethally_ preferably--was a completely different matter.

But upon Clementine’s increasingly concerned face at James’ hesitance, he shoved all his worries down. “Okay.” She nodded at that, then turned to lead the way. The group of kids, most of them familiar looking, parted a path for Clementine and James. Naturally, AJ tagged along right next to Clementine.

James could feel himself heat under the mask at all the stares, but he couldn’t let that break his resolve now. He had to give her a proper apology, no matter what.

Clementine spun back to call to the others. “We’ll be right out for dinner soon, okay?” Then she, AJ, and James entered the admin building. It didn’t take long for them to reach a sort of open lounge area, where a sofa and other furniture laid strewn about. They both sat on the couch, while AJ opted to stand close to Clementine and hold onto her crutches. She thanked him with a soft smile.

“So..” Clem’s face turned neutral and James readied himself. “Not that I’m upset about it but, why did you come back?”

James blinked. “Wait.. what do you mean?”

“Hm?”

“Why aren’t you.. I mean, _shouldn’t_ you be upset with me?” He asked incredulously. James had been expecting another shouting match, maybe even a physical altercation in case she were afraid that James would try to take AJ away again.

“Well, I’m not a 100% cool with what happened back at the cave, if that’s what you’re talking about. Though I’m guessing that’s why you came back here?”

James took a deep breath in. “…Yes. Yes, I’m back to talk to you, and apologize for my actions, if you’ll allow it.”

Clementine gave him a quirk of her eyes. “Of course I’ll allow it. You didn’t try anything bad yet so.. go on. The both of us-” She shared a quick glance with AJ. “-will hear you out.”

James nodded. Okay, so far this was going way better than he could have ever imagined. He’ll take it.

He took off the mask, and set it aside. “Over the past week, after I stayed in the cave to take care of those walkers, I-”

“How’d you do that?”

“Wh.. what?” AJ interrupted him, eyes full of curious light.

“Did you kill _all_ of em?”

“Um.. yes?”

“And you didn’ get bit??”

James gave himself another once over, moreso just for the effect. “None that I could find, no.”

“But it was dark! And you were alone. And there were like a hundred of them. An-”

“AJ.” Clementine huffed, both scolding and amused. She turned back to James to explain. “After everything calmed down, we both talked about you one night, and he thought that you must’ve died since there were so many walkers and it was pitch black in the cave.” Her face scrunched up.  
”Speaking of which.. how _did_ you make it out alive?”

James found the new branch of conversation to be utterly bizarre. “I… I just… did?”

Clementine gave a disbelieving look, but brushed it off for later. “Alright. Sorry about that. You can continue.” AJ nodded apologetically, which reminded James that he should probably be getting on his knees for forgiveness right about now. But that was only in his previous speculations of how the apology would go. And this was not that, like, _at all._

“Okay.. see, I thought about everything for a week or so and I’ve understood since then, just how out of line I was. I should have never resorted to violence or force, and I never should’ve tried to take AJ away from you. I thought I was in the right, but I wasn’t. Clearly, you don’t want him to ever become the sort of killer I once was…”

“Killer..?” AJ looked confused. Clementine hushed him, whispering “Later.” to placate the young boy.  
  
Turning back to James, Clementine shook her head. “Of course not. Look James, I still don’t know much about who you were, and you don’t need to tell me, but you can be rest assured that I’m not raising AJ to become.. cold-blooded, or anything like that. Right goofball?”

AJ grinned. “Yea. I like making our home be safe and protecting Clem, but I don’t like.. killing, people. It makes me breath funny every time.”

James could not be gladder to hear that. “That’s very good. And I know that now. I trust you Clementine, and I’m sorry for getting so carried away in my beliefs. Could you.. could you ever forgive me in time?”

Clementine hummed, staring at James for a bit before smiling. “I think I can forgive you now.” James’ eyes widened in disbelief.

“R-really?”

“Yeah.” She sounded nonchalant, James was just stunned into gaping at her. “How about you AJ? Can you forgive James for trying to take you away?”

AJ took a longer time to respond, prompting James to think “There it is.” and brace himself.

“Umm… yea, I think I can.” It took a _decent_ amount of will for James NOT to sputter at that.

“AJ.. it’s okay if you don’t want to forgive me. Just because Clementine can, doesn’t-”

“No, no I get it.” AJ waved his hands. “I mean.. I WAS mad at you for trying to separate us. But since you were just confused, and you thought you were actually helping me… it’s ok. Plus, you feel real bad about it now. I forgive you.”

James stayed silent for a while, before breathing out an airy laugh. “Th-thank you. Both of you. If.. if I were to be honest, I was more ready for you to just attack me outright, than to forgive me.”

Clementine laughed too. “What? Me attack you.. why would I do that? You stayed behind to protect us.”

“I know but..” He shrugged with one arm.

“Besides, not like I can do much tackling with this.” She waved her stump idly. “Shoot, yes. But brawl? Not so much.”

“Oh.. about that-” James started, but a loud shout from the outside stopped him.

“CLEM! SOUP’S UP!!”

“Coming!” Clementine called back. “Sorry, but dinner’s getting cold. AJ, you can go on ahead. We’ll catch up.”

AJ nodded, then helped Clementine get up and into her crutches before dashing off.

James felt much lighter than he’d been all week. He was just about ready to leave, putting on his mask and all, when Clementine cleared her throat. He gave her a questioning look.

“Remember my offer? Of.. staying with us at the school? It still stands y’know.”

The amount of times Jame’s nearly dropped his jaw today was unhealthy. “I-I, you wha.. really? After everything I’ve done-”

“James.” Clementine sounded slightly exasperated, but more reprimanding than anything. “You’re the only reason we were able to get on that ship and save my friends. I get that we fought in the cave, but you stood down at the end, then stayed behind to kill the walkers. I already said I forgive you, but do you forgive yourself?”

He looked down at his feet. “I.. I guess I haven’t.”

“Think you could try?”

“I think I will.”

She smirked. “To forgiving yourself, or staying?”

“U-um..” He knew he told her he’d give it more thought, but he still was wary of being in a new group. He already saw the others to be good folk, and he liked it. He wouldn’t mind helping to protect them either, but…

“Hey.” Clementine’s voice shook him out of his stewing brain. “It’s alright if you’re still not ready. Just… how about you stay for dinner? Omar’s trying out a new recipe, and that usually means it’s going to be amazing.”

“Oh no, I couldn’t take your food. Save it for them.”

“We have plenty now that we’ve got the greenhouse up and running again. I wouldn’t offer you to join us if I thought we were scarce on supplies.”

James chewed his lip out, before concluding to the same line of thought that he really should just do whatever Clementine wanted for now, considering she just forgave him for trying to kidnap AJ.

“Okay. If you insist.”

“I do.” Clementine adjusted her crutches and began to walk. “Now come on, let’s catch you up with all the others.”

“R-right.” James figured he should be able to take at least _one_ dinner with other people.  
But as the two of them walked down the halls and out the doors, pausing upon the sight of two tables full of eating and laughing kids, James felt the gnawing butterflies return with a vengeance.

If he weren’t so normally soft spoken, he’d have said a loud, “Fuck me.”


	2. Cards On The Table

They sat down on the table, Clementine graciously having James sit next to her, and on the edge too. He looked around nervously, tensing as the chatter quieted and all the others stared at him.

“Guys, you remember James right?” Clementine, the absolute angel, started for them.

“Are you gonna be staying with us??” Willy, predictably, was first to speak up.

“Ah.. I’m still not fully sure if I’ll be staying here permanently.”

“Aww, why not?” Willy pouted, and Clementine shot him a warning look. James couldn’t get why Willy wanted him to stay so much, but he found it endearing anyhow.

“Well, I’m not sure if I’m ready to be in a community again. But.. I’ll think about it.” It was enough for Willy to smile. “Only if the rest of you are okay with it of course.”

“Whatever Clem thinks is best, I can go with.” A boy with brown skin and combed back hair shrugged.

“Same here.” A girl next to him--Ruby--agreed.

“So long as you can pull your own weight around here, I don’t care.” James looked at another girl down the table, and sucked in a breath at her eyes. Well, eye. The left one was clouded over, and her right eye was covered in a bandage.

“Hey.” AJ paused in his slurping. “Be nice.”

“Aye-aye.” Violet puffed, but aimed a smile to AJ.

“Y’know..” James looked to the drawling voice. Louis. “I’d feel a whole lot more hungry for this magnificent dish if it weren’t for a certain walker sitting here with us.”

“Louis-!” Clementine elbowed him in the ribs.

“Yowch! Look, all I’m saying is we never got to see the guy’s face. And I, for one, am curious.” Some of the others murmured their agreement.

“Feel free to ignore him.” Violet spoke, and Louis gave her an affronted look.

Clementine shot James a reassuring look, but he shook it off. “No, it’s fine. If I am ever to stay here, or even just help you guys out from the outside.. you deserve to know what I look like.” He let his fingers calm their shaking for a moment, then guided them up to unclasp his mask and pull it over.

He set the mask down on his lap and looked at the bowl in front of him, rather than everybody’s probing eyes. The soup certainly looked enticing. He’d have to find the cook and compliment him.

“Holy shit.”

James looked up in confusion. What, was there still some blood on his face or something?  
The one who said it was Louis.

“I-Is there.. something wrong?” James wasn’t really one to feel self conscious, but he couldn’t help feel embarrassed at the way Louis was staring at him.

“Uh, no? It’s like, the complete opposite. I mean, what were you before the apocalypse- a model??”

James raised a brow. He felt a flush creep up his neck at the blatant compliment. No one’s ever been that flattering with him before. Except for…

“Don’t you dare start flirting now Louis. You’ll scare him off!” Ruby scolded him with a waggling finger.

“Like you and Aasim could talk!”

“Fuck off dude.” Aasim scoffed.

“I mean, I’ve only got one eye but even I can tell he’s a looker.” Violet shrugged to Louis’ defense.

“Hey.” Louis flicked a piece of meat to her. “I thought you were lesbian.”

“I thought she was American?” AJ asked, and no one had the heart to explain it to him.  
Clementine likely filed it away for some other nightly talk.

“Doesn’t mean I’m completely blind, shit. I’m.. only halfway there.” Louis snorted.

Clementine only giggled at the whole mess and a half. “Sorry.” She turned to James sympathetically. “Louis here gets a little excited sometimes.”

“You know I can hear you. I am right next to you.”

“Shut up and eat already.” Clementine rolled her eyes, returning to her soup. Right. The food.

James raised a full spoon to his lips, and upon the first spark of taste, he swallowed it eagerly. “This is really good.”

“Thanks.” A larger boy with curly hair answered. “Omar, by the way.” He extended a hand from across the table. James shook it.

“Oh crap, I forgot you haven’t met some of us yet.” Clementine muttered.

“I’m Willy!”

“He already knew that.” AJ gave him a pointed look.

“I’m Aasim.” Said teen offered. “That’s Violet. And you just met Omar. We’re the ones who were stuck on the ship and everything so..”

“Right. Thank you.” James answered, and the table returned back to their normal discussions as he finished the bowl. Dusk hues snuck up on the skies, and that should’ve prompted James to get up and leave for camp, but something kept tugging him down. Soon as he ate the last scoop, Louis stood up.

“How about a game ya’ll?”

“A game?” James looked around.

“Yeah! Except this time, we’ll have a card game to learn more about you.”

“O-oh, I see.” Clementine peered at him, offering a way out. But James, to his own surprise, played ball. “I suppose it’s fair for you guys to know more about me. Especially if I’m to stay here.”

“So you’re deciding on staying, is what I hear?” Louis smirked.

“I…” James hadn’t noticed how that came out. A mini bout of internal struggling, and he decided to roll with it. “I guess so. For now at least?” Some of the kids cheered, and though it confused him on why they wished for him to stay, he still felt warmed by their welcome.

“Alright then. Tonight, it’s war. Gonna be like the game we played with Clem on her first day.”

Clementine took it upon herself to explain the game to James, as everyone else cleaned out the table. Omar busied himself with cleaning all the dishes, promising to join after.

“Here goes. Draw a card, any card!” Louis slapped the stack in the center of the table, and everyone took one.  
Willy got the highest card, and he whooped.

“Yeah! Okay… err. How did you learn to make masks like that? Can ya show me how to?? Please???”

“Down boy.” Louis half joked. “Only one question per win.”

James tapped on his hands, fidgeting. He knew he signed up for this, and he did believe that if he was staying here, even for just a night, he should be open with them. But he still feared for the more prying questions yet to come. And once he did answer them… he wasn’t sure if his newfound acquaintances would be as accepting of him as before.

“I learned how to skin walkers and make covers with them from my previous group of people. They called themselves Whisperers. They learned to blend in with the walkers. Use them. Guide them.”

Everyone nodded, and Willy seemed satisfied with the answer.

“Round two!” Louis gestured to the cards, and James wondered how he was so continuously chipper. It was… an unusual find in the apocalypse.

“I win.” Violet waved her king around smugly. “Let’s see… hm. Why did you help us? I mean, you hardly even knew us and yet you still became part of the rescue.”

“I only helped by guiding a herd of walkers as-”

“Yeah but, still. You could’ve gotten hurt bad. Why?”

“... I wasn’t planning to. I always tried to stay out of conflict; be on my own. And even though, at the time, Clementine didn’t match my own perspective on the walkers.. I still knew that it was better to save a group of living kids than to preserve a bunch of dead ones. I’m stubborn, but not heartless.” At some of their confused faces, James clarified.

“I don’t know if Clementine ever explained it to you but.. I used to--sometimes still do--it’s complicated.” He sighed. “I believed that walkers were.. something in between life and death. Even though they try to eat us, it’s only due to their instincts to feed, like most animals. Maybe the souls of the previous beings were still in them. Maybe not. Either way, I tried to keep them safe, or avoid mutilating them. It just felt like something I should do. Sort of like.. burying the bodies of those you once loved?”

At that, a few of them turned to the graveyard solemnly.

“Guess I can see it that way.” Ruby commented, just as Violet shrugged.

It turned a bit silent, but everyone continued on seamlessly to draw a card.

Aasim didn’t waste time with his win. “Why not just kill the walkers, then bury them? If you wanted to respect their bodies that much.”

James licked his lips, thinking on how to best respond. “I.. after my time in the Whisperers, I decided to become a pacifist whenever possible. Up till that point, I’ve spent a lot of time with walkers. When they’re not searching for food they’re… somewhat peaceful. They don’t do any harm. Not like.. a lot of humans.”

Aasim jut out his chin, seemingly munching over the words. “I guess, but they do still try to eat us anyway. Which, I’d like to avoid.”

“Yes, I know.” James answered. “I’m just explaining how I once thought. Now.. I’m not so sure if walkers are anything as special as I thought them to be. I think.. I had to believe in that after I left the Whisperers, in order to best avoid violence. I’ve had enough of that as it is.”

Another round of cards.

“Huh, look at that.” Clementine grinned at her card. “Hm.. what were the sort of stuff you liked to do before all of this? Hobbies, stuff like that.”

“Lame.” Violet poked at her.

“What?” Clementine poked her back. James smiled at her for the easy question.

“When I was little, whenever I had free time I would help out my dad with his food truck. I always found it fun. Then as I got older, I enjoyed music a lot more. Tried to play the guitar. Keyword being _tried._ ”

Louis chuckled. “You and me both. But, I’m more of a piano guy myself.” James grinned, as everyone reached for the deck.  
At last, he got the highest card.

“So, I get to ask all of you a general question?”

“Yep.” Louis tugged at his long jacket. “Them’s the rules. And- don’t worry. That one doesn’t count.”

“Then…” James looked around. He had noted much earlier that the other boy, Tennessee, wasn’t here. “Where’s Tenn? The last I saw him was at the caves, where we went to shelter from walkers. After the explosion.”

The entire group grew somewhat somber, and James had his suspicions confirmed. “I.. I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t worry about.” Clementine wore a sad smile. “You didn’t know.”

“I think there’s a great deal that I don’t know, since the last time we saw each other.” Clementine glanced at her stump of a leg, and shrugged.

“Guess so.”

“I killed him.”

Both of their eyes widened at AJ’s little outburst. He was so quiet thus far, James had nearly forgotten he was there. The boy looked guilty, but unapologetic to the sudden statement.

“You.. you did?” James did his best not to look horrified or jump to conclusions, but with the way Clementine winced, he supposed he wasn’t doing a very good job. “Does, everyone know this?”

“Clem talked to us about it once she recovered.” The ever quiet Omar walked up from behind, wiping his hands on some dish cloth. “Took a while to accept it.. but, we did.”

“Right.. and, do you think you could explain it to me too? I think I’ll need it.”

“About that.” Clementine mumbled. “After our fight in the cave-”

“Wait, you two fought in the caves?” Violet asked.

“I- yeah. Look, we can explain it after this.” Clementine scratched her hair. “Just… after our fight, you heard me tell AJ how I trusted him to make the hard calls, right?”

James nodded, the memory bubbling up. “After we left and you stayed to take care of the herd, me, AJ, and Tenn met up with Louis. He led us to a bridge to go back to the school, but then Minnie, Tenn's sister, found us there. Said she wanted to take Tenn with her to.. the afterlife I guess.”

“Was she.. dying?”

“She was bit.” Clementine affirmed. “And so, a fight broke out between us and Minnie, with a lot of walkers that followed her. Me and AJ made it out past this big gap in the bridge, but Louis was stuck trying to get Tenn away from going to Minnie. It was either Tenn or Louis, and in order to save one, AJ shot Tenn.”

Clementine looked.. a little afraid, at how James would react. And honestly, she was right to because _damn_ _._ That was a bit brutal, though, he supposed he should’ve known by now that impulsiveness was a large trait of AJ’s.

“I didn’t want to.” AJ continued. James looked to him, encouraging him to go on. “He was my first real friend! It’s just… he was messing up. Like he did before with Mitch and- I’m sorry.”

“Mitch?”

“Another guy we lost.” Ruby sighed. “Lily was the one who took him.”

James nodded, processing all the information. “I see. Well, AJ, even though this news is certainly.. shocking, I can understand why you did it.”

“You can??”

“I don’t know if I would’ve done the same, but if you were just trying to help.. I’m sure your heart was in the right place.”

AJ had a toothy grin on.

“Okay so..” Violet started. “Can anyone fill us in on what kind of fight you and Clem got into?” James looked away.

“So.. you didn’t tell them?” He asked Clementine.

“I didn’t get into the details.”

“Right.. well.” James rolled his shoulder back. “After the boat, I was sure that under Clementine’s guidance, AJ was turning into a.. bad person. He shot Lily, but kept going after she died and I.. I really saw a little bit of me in him when that happened.”

“Wait, you?” Violet scoffed. “You’re like, one of the biggest softies here.”

“I wasn’t back then. And many times, I desperately wished that someone--anyone--could’ve taken me away from the Whisperers before it was too late. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I was very young, and having to kill so many under them.. it also turned me into a not so great person.” He rubbed his eyes.

“I thought the same was happening to AJ. I’ve seen it happen again and again with too many others, so I tried to take him away from Clementine. Obviously, this turned into a fight, but at the end of it she was able to get through to me.”

He shared a shy look to Clementine, and to his relief, she offered a small smile to indicate that it was all okay.

“I understand now, that she isn’t like my past people. And neither is AJ.” At that, AJ gave him a big thumbs up, which he lightly chuckled at.

“Phew.” Louis wiped away fake sweat on his forehead. “That, was a lot of answers. But not enough questions! Time for the next round.”

They all moved on to the draw, and it was Ruby’s turn to flaunt her card.  
“There we go! So.. James. Now that we got the full picture on what happened before with you and Clem, think you can tell us more about them Whisperers? From what you said, they don’t seem like very nice folks.”

“No, they’re not.” James leaned back, glad that everyone didn’t shun him after he explained what he did at the caves. “You know that the Whisperers disguise themselves in walker skin to blend in with them. Sometimes, these hordes could get to be as large as the thousands, and we would guide them to be used as weapons or cover. They uhm, also believed that humanity was meant to return to their animalistic roots. Thought it necessary to survive. Living in the wild, following a strict social hierarchy, all of.. that.”

“So you guys just lived like animals?” Aasim pursued his lips, ignoring Louis’ cough. “Doesn’t seem convenient, but with all those walkers… I can see why they could be deadly.”

“They were primitive, yes, but no less intelligent. We were nomads, but had a general area of operation, which we were fiercely territorial of. The one who started the group, was Alpha. Her second in command was Beta, and as they picked up more survivors, everyone was to shed their names and identity.”

“Wait, so you had no name?” Willy asked. “How would that even work? What if someone needed to call you like, ‘Hey James, over here!’?”

“Does anyone listen to the rules anymore?” Louis cried dramatically, but let them continue.

“Sometimes numbers would work. If anything, they could call us by our positions of power. I was..” James shook his head on second thought. “Later on, after all the carnage and community attacks, I decided to leave.”

“Crazy fellas.” Ruby remarked.

“Believe me, I know.” James smiled. Another round, and this time it was AJ.

“Umm, if the Whisperers were so bad, why’d you join them in the first place?”

“We.. didn’t really have a choice. They usually attack intruders on sight, but if it seems like they’re not part of a larger group, they’ll try to recruit them. Thing is, if you refuse to join, they kill you.”

“Yikes.” Aasim shook his head.

“Yea.”

A quick drawing led to another win for Violet. “Damn I’m good.” She simpered.

“Get on with the questioning.” Louis stuck out a little bit of his tongue at her. She stuck it back.

“You’re just jealous you didn’t get to ask anything yet.”

“It’s rigged I tell you.”

James covered his smile.

“..You said ‘we’ before.. Did you join--sorry, not join--were you forced into being with those freaks, with anybody else?”

James stiffened, his smile quickly washing away. Clementine laid a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“What? Shit, I asked a bad question didn’t I.”

“No no, it’s.. fine. You all should…” James wrung his hands out.

“James.” He turned to Clementine. “Sure you can tell us the basics and other stuff that happened with you and us, but you don’t have to explain _everything._ It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

He stared at her briefly, then opted to examine his gloves. “… Just know, that it was a person very close to me.”

Violet nodded, a sad look to her eyes. “Gotcha.”

This time, the ensuing silence went uninterrupted by a certain Louis, who seemed to be in thought. So Clementine stood up instead.

“Okay guys, it’s starting to get dark. You know who’s on patrol tonight, right?”

“Me and Aasim’s got it!” Willy waved his hand up.

“Good. Let’s all go get some shuteye then.”

Louis groaned. “Aw come on, just one more round?”

She squinted her eyes at him, the two staring at each other until Louis finally gave in. “Ugh, fine. But I demand a rematch tomorrow.” The group began to disperse.

“You do know you can just.. ask him stuff outside the game, right?” Violet deadpanned, gesturing to James, who was busy getting chatted up by AJ.

“Er, I mean _yeah,_ duh. Of.. course I can.”

“So go do it dummy.”

“Um excuse you, first of all. That was very hurtful of you Violet.” She rolled her eye fondly. “And also I WILL. In my own time, thank you.”

“Sure.” And with that, the rest of any stragglers departed, either to bed or patrol.

“James!” Clementine called him over to the front of the main building. “I’ll show you to your room.”

The two of them walked down the empty halls, only occasionally interrupted by some noise coming from the odd dorm or so.

“It’s.. been a very long time since I’ve slept in a bed.” James admitted. “I’m not sure if I’ll be able to.”

“Oh, don’t worry. AJ had the same issue.” Clementine smiled. “The beds are pretty soft though, so I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“And..”

“Yes?”

“...Thank you. Clementine. For everything. From forgiving me to inviting me to stay here, I’m starting to think you’re being unfair.”

Clementine chuckled. “Really James, it’s all good. After all, you helped us out before. And, I know you’ll be a great asset to our group as well.”

“Right. Don’t hesitate in asking me for any help. Whether it be herding walkers to ward off or sic harmful trespassers. At day or night, I can lead them around the perimeters.”

“Good to know..” Clementine nodded, thoughts swirling behind her eyes. “We definitely could use that. We can discuss it more tomorrow.”

“Deal.”

They stopped in front of a slightly ajar door, and Clementine beckoned him to go in. “Goodnight James.”

“Goodnight.”


	3. Alive

Horrid screams ripped out from torn flesh. When they’re like this, broken and bloody, twisted terribly on the floor in ways no one should, it was hard to tell the difference between a person and a walker.

The guttural groans sounded much too familiar. The spazzing fingers, cramped beyond recognition, were as well.

Blood. So much blood.

Different types of blood.  
There was old caked blood, dried up in clumps on the ground or someone’s body. There was walker blood, sticky and thick like ichor. They often appeared in dark wet splatters, oozing on any flat surface nearby.

Then, there was fresh blood. From a living, breathing human. Cherry red and slippery. Strong metallic odors, stinging, making his eyes water. He wasn’t crying. He _wasn’t_. He wasn’t weak. _He promised._

They were all over his hands. Spillage from a slit throat. It wouldn’t stop coming, daren’t stop flowing. He begged for it to end, over and over. His own voice then shifted into one that wasn’t his. A man, a woman, a child even--all of them crying out for their lives. For help. Out of them all, stood out one particular sound of gurgling. That boy, who still had light in his eyes, who only wanted to see others for what they were: people.

Blood sloshed down his chest, the lights dimming out.

And for what, really? When he really had to answer, honestly, for what?

For nothing, a pile of flesh with comically grotesque eyeballs answered him. All for fucking nothing.  
  


“ _Stop!_ ”  
  


His lungs hurt. James looked around wildly, the dark room betrayed only by a single sliver of moonbeam from the window. It took him a moment to connect that broken hapless voice with his own, and he sighed, slipping back into the bed.

He hadn’t had a nightmare that bad in a long time. They stopped after he became accustomed to his new, peaceful lifestyle. But now..

James sighed again, swinging his feet over the bedside to tie on his boots. He clearly wasn’t going to get much sleep tonight. Not that he ever needed much.

Once fully dressed, he snuck down the hallways quietly, hoping to make it to the gates undetected. If he was lucky, he could pass Aasim and Willy too, enough to get back to his camp.

He made it halfway through the courtyard, before a voice halted him.

“Hey.” A smooth voice with a slight, teasing lilt to it. Louis.

James slumped and turned around to face him, resigned. “Hello.”

“Figured you might try to leave.”

“You did?” James did a quick sweep for the others. If anything, he figured it would be Clementine to be the one to suspect this.

“No, I just heard your shout. Your dorm is pretty close to the music room. Then I heard you getting ready and, well, here I am.” Louis swung around his arms.

“Sorry.. just had a bad dream.”

“Oof. Yeah, I get the feeling. Nightmares suck.” Louis took an unwitting sleep closer. “But y’know what helps me when I do get them?”

James didn’t know how to respond.

“Music! Getting lost in trying to make a song up as I go always helps. Wanna give it a go?”

He was just, so, bright. Like a large, yellow balloon. And James really hated to do it, but he was going to pop that balloon.

“I.. I’d really rather get back to my camp.”

“Oh right, right. Gotta move all the stuff in right?”

“No I mean..” He huffed. “I think I’ll keep the camp. For a while. I don’t know how long I’ll be staying here, if at all. I just, need to get back, okay?”

Louis deflated a bit at that, and James grimaced. But, to his surprise, he bounced right back up.

“Then I’ll come with.”

James blinked. So he was a large, yellow, _stubborn_ balloon then. “You _really_ don’t have to.”

“I know. But I want to. Besides, it’s not safe for you to be going out at night. All alone.”

“I’m-”

“First rule for Clem. ‘Never go alone.’ Lord knows AJ hammered it into my brain.” James pinched his bridge. He wasn’t going to be winning this battle.

“..Fine. Let’s go.”

“Cool!” Louis strutted out to where Willy was posted, Aasim assumedly on the other side.

“Wait, no-” Before James could stop him, Louis was hailing Willy in a cheery “YO!” and James wanted to wilt.

“Huh? Louis, what’s up?” Willy called back down. James covered his face. They were being. Too. Loud.

“Me and James are off to his camp. Gonna pick up a few things. If Clem asks, that’s where we are.”

“Oh okay, sure!” Wait. James looked to Louis--who was undeniably winking at James right now, yes--in disbelief. That worked?

As soon as the both of them were outside, and well into the forest, James cracked.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Whatever do you mean?” Louis walked, but in a lackadaisical manner. It was carefree and light, crunching into all the leaves. Dare he say- _purposefully_ crunching into all the leaves. James could scarcely comprehend what he was seeing.

“You know wh- mm.” James inhaled deeply. “I… don’t know why you insist on following me. I won’t get hurt.”

“I know that.”

“So then why?”

“Maybe I just wanna get to know you better?”

“You already know most of what there is to know about me.” James shook his head as he directed them through a shrub.

“Nooo.” Louis dragged the word out as he ducked under a low hanging branch. “I don’t know your favorite color.”

“Brown.”

“Where you’re from.”

“Washington D.C.” A twig snapped under James’ foot.

“Your favorite Pringles flavor.”

“Sour cream and onio- WHY are you asking me all these things?” James groused, making a sharp left turn. “I don’t understand. You have no obligation to look after me.”

“I don’t, no.” Louis replied, scrambling to keep up with the other. “Oh hey, here we are.”

James stopped in his tracks, looking at his new camp to the side. A humble set up, made to last a decent amount of time. After quickly starting up a fire, he slowly made his way over to his tent, breathing in slowly to calm down. He hadn’t even realized he was getting worked up.

“..Sorry. For, getting upset.” James collapsed onto a spread sheet with a sigh. “You… you’re a very interesting person.”

“You mean annoying?” Louis sat down beside James, shooting him a coy look.

“No... I mean, during that rapidfire questionnaire, maybe a little.” James bit his lip. “But I also think you’re a rare gem to find. Especially in times like these.”

Louis did his damnedest to not squeak, but god was it hard. Because- who just _says_ stuff like that?  
“Mind elaborating?” Louis shifted down to his side, head propped on his hand, to get a better eye level.

“You’re very.. bright. Personable. Funny. You act as if the dead never started walking.”

Louis stayed quiet for a while, and James turned to gaze into the night stars, almost dozing off till Louis spoke again. However, this time his voice was a bit lower. Quieter.

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

“Huh?”

“The whole, acting like everything is just jolly and right.”

“I think it’s a very good thing.”

“Really?” Louis breathed a mirthless laugh.

“Do you not think so?”

“I.. guess..? Oh, I dunno. But the others sure think it’s bad.”

“What makes you say that?” James moved back a bit to also turn to his side, wanting to properly look at him as he talked.

“Well.. it’s not like they don’t appreciate my jokes, ever. But I can tell some of them wished I wasn’t always goofing around and to take things more seriously.”

James hummed, eyes flitting between Louis and the skies. “… But if you won’t be Louis, who will?”

“What?”

“Surviving through all of this.. it can be hard. Heavy. If you’re not the one to help uplift that weight a little, then who will?”

Louis remained in silence, quickly moving his eyes to the stars when James constant stare proved too much. James followed suit, and the both of them laid sprawled across the blanket, watching forgotten constellations slowly drift on by.

“... You know, for a hermit crab, you’re pretty good at talking to people.”

James scoffed. “I doubt that.”

“No really, I..” Louis swallowed, bringing his hand to James’ forearm. “Thanks.”

James looked down at the hand, then up with a small smile. “I should be the one thanking all of you. For allowing me a place at your home.”

“No need. We want you there.”

“I still can’t see why.”

“How’d you mean?”

“I.. I may have helped you, yes. But I still attacked one of your own.”

“Yeah, but you’re sorry for it, right?”

“Yes but-”

“Ah-ah! But nothin. AJ... AJ killed Marlon, my best friend, and.. I still forgave him.”

“Oh, I’m sorry-”

“Because I knew he was sorry.” James shut his mouth. “At heart, he’s a good kid that one. And I know you are too.”

James shook his head. “You don’t even know me." _Or what I did._ "Not really."

“I know enough! Your name is James. Used to be part of some weird walker pack. Your favorite color is brown. You’re from Washington D.C. And your favorite Pringles flavor is sour cream and onion.” Louis waved his hand. “I know plenty.”

James couldn’t do anything but laugh, so he did. He tried to keep his burst of laughter down, but it was hard, so he just covered his mouth best he could. When he finished, flicking away a stray tear or two, he turned back to Louis to say something like “You’re impossible.” or “Ridiculous.”, but any words died on his tongue when he noticed suddenly how close the other’s face was to his.

Louis, even under the low light of the moon and the campfire, appeared to have a dark blush spread across his cheeks.

“You..” Louis struggled to continue, so James slowly backed off to let him breathe. “..you should laugh more.”

It had then struck James, that the last time he had ever laughed was way back then, during little moments in between their duty to the Whisperers, when he’d hushingly joke and giggle with Charlie. Then one day, he couldn’t be sure exactly when, those moments disappeared altogether.  
  
Actually, no, the last--most recent-- time he laughed was when he met Louis for the first time, and he had joked about his mask or something.

James found his own mouth to be dry, so he waited a moment before saying a wry, “I’ll try.”

At that moment, he found this Louis character to be more compelling than ever. He felt a yearning to get to know him. Become his friend even. Just.. to get closer.

“You know..” He began, and Louis whipped his head back to the side to look. “You know all this about me, and yet I haven’t the faintest idea what your favorite color is. Or where you’re from. Or what your preferred flavor of Pringles might be.”

Louis smirked, nearly all signs of nervousness magically slipping away. Except for that little tic of his foot bobbing up and down on the ground, even as he was lying down.

“Mahogany. Country rooaads, take me hooome! And, of course, barbecue.”

James had so many questions. “I have so many questions.”

“Fire away!”

“Mahogany? What.. is that?”

“The color of leaves in autumn.”

“So, red?”

“Er, not quite? It’s more rich than that. It’s sometimes a bit purply, but the one I got in mind has more brown to it."

“Does that mean we have the same favorite color?”

“Maybe.” Louis clicked with his tongue. “Yeah. Yeah we do.” James smiled.

“Also, were you just singing right now?”

“Don’t tell me you never heard that song before!”

“It’s not ringing any bells, no. Or maybe I've just forgotten.”

“God, now I gotta sing it to you. Not here, duh. Back at the school.”

“You don’t have-”

“James.” He had a gummy grin on that James couldn’t help return. “I want to.”

“... You’re..”

“Yes?”

“.. an absolute monster.”

“Huh?” Louis’ eyes widened, genuinely confused. James huffed a laugh.

“Barbecue? How could you.”

Louis’ face melted rapidly into a leer. “Boo you, everyone knows barbecue’s the best.”

“Really.”

“Mmhm. But man, just thinking about it now… ugh. I _miss_ chips.”

“Me too.”

The two dissolved into a comfortable silence, idly looking back to the sky. Louis remained in that still and quiet for so long, James had thought he’d fallen asleep. He slowly sat up and reached for another blanket from the side. Unraveling it, he draped it over Louis before getting up to tend to his fire more.

He still wasn’t feeling sleepy, and the lively conversation only helped to keep him more awake, but he didn’t care.

It was a good kind of awake.

“What a gentleman.”

James jumped, twisting back to see Louis--very not asleep--peering at him from the covers.

“Oh! Did I.. wake you?”

“Nah. Never fell asleep. Though I _did_ appreciate the blanket, so thank you good sir.” James turned away, feeling the heat from the fire overtake the one on his face. He closed his eyes, muttering a “You’re welcome.” in return.

James’ ears picked up on a rustling noise, but didn’t turn back round until Louis talked again.

“You ever gonna sleep?”

“Doesn’t seem like it.”

“Sorry, I’m probably keeping you up.”

“You are, but I don’t mind. I like talking to you.”

“R-really?” James raised a brow. Did he really find that hard to believe?

Louis felt himself heat again under James’ stare and _god, why does he have such intense eyes???_ He was used to yapping it up--either alone or with others--but not to hearing an appreciation for it. It was a little new, to say in the least.

“Yes Louis.” _God, there it is again. That voice._ “You’re a very good talker. I enjoy it.” _Jesus fucking christ._

“Well!” Louis abruptly stood up ramrod straight, not knowing how much more he could take of feeling like his entire body was stuffed with hot coals. “You’re pretty fun to talk with too. Um, but I- _we_ should be getting back to the school right about now, right? I mean, it’s not like you’re feeling any sleepier here so, might as well? Yeah, might as well. Welp, comeonlet’sgetamoveonthen.”

Before James could get a word in, Louis was already up and five steps away, back turned to him, but standing still. As if he was waiting for him. Nope, he was definitely waiting for him.

James looked back down at the fire. He would’ve thought there wouldn’t be much rooting him to the school besides his own conscience and moral upcoming to apologize to Clementine and AJ. But now that it was taken care of, here comes along this new phenomenon. Pulling him and his heart back to this place. Could he really take this chance again?

Looking back up to see Louis’ hunched form nearby, burning scarlet ears and all, James figured that yes. He could.

He extinguished the fire and got up, walking to Louis, and back to a place he hoped he could call home one day. And James had a feeling, that day would be coming a lot sooner than he’d think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love these bois.  
> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
